They might not all be good players — some might not even play — but they all have winning names.
After poring through all the rosters for the Power 5, we’ve come up with the 2017 Preseason College Football All-Name team.
One is a king, one is a prince, one is a Messiah, and one is a Cheeseman.
So even if they don’t play, may these names be remembered.
This year’s team:
My-King Johnson, Arizona: Very disappointed to learn his middle name is not “Size.”
Boss Tagaloa, UCLA: At 6-2, 305, he’s “The Boss” and “The Big Man” at the same time.
Royal Silver, Minnesota: Judging from the name, I believe his parents wanted a pony.
Big Kat Bryant, Auburn: With a name like that, he had to be a linebacker … or a rotund blues guitarist.
Thunder Keck, Stanford: Sounds like an AC/DC song or keen MMA move.
Nunu Cunningham, West Virginia: I now know a Nunu.
Fa’avae Fa’avae, Washington State: Linebacker so nice, he was named … yeah, that’s an old joke.
Divine Deablo, Virginia Tech: Divine diablo? Must be a conflicted individual.
Marvell Tell III, USC: An internal rhyme is always a plus for the preseason all-name team.
Boobie Hicks, Utah: I’ve met some hicks that you could say were boobs.
Hasan Defense, Kansas: One defensive player who truly can say his name is his word.
Messiah deWeaver, QB, Michigan State: Will he be able to deliver the Spartans?
Nicodem Pierre, Duke: Quite possibly named after a nicotine replacement therapy.
Soso Jamabo, UCLA: In 2016, he had 323 yards rushing, which, coincidentally, is only SoSo.
CeeDee Lamb, WR, Oklahoma: Yes, I CeeDee Lamb. It’s next to Dee Lion.
Lil’Jordan Humphrey, WR, Texas: Lil’ hoping for a biggie season.
Ceejhay French-Love, Arizona State: You have to admit, that’s a very sexy name.
Prince Tega Wanogho, Auburn: Royalty on the Tigers’ line (Son of Prince Philip U.D. and Princess Onome Wanogho)
Cole Chewins, Michigan State: Most people prefer the warm chewin’.
Popo Aumavae, Oregon: Remember kids: Always watch out for the Popo.
Gerhard de Beer, Arizona: “Here come the frat boys, again! Someone Gerhard de Beer!”
Dillon Middlemiss, Colorado: Just make sure he blocks near the sideline.
Special teams names
Matthew Cluck, PK, Texas Tech: Despite the name, this guy ain’t chicken.
Camaron Cheeseman, LS, Michigan: You can try to knock him down, but you can’t cut the Cheeseman.
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